Archive for October, 2004

Posted: October 26, 2004 in Uncategorized






I’m just a marionette on thin, bleeding strings
I’m twisted around in a dark, emboding crime
I wish it was easy to get over such things
Because I thought I’d already done my time

The cell I’m trapped in is covered in stone
It’s difficult to see if it’s day or it’s night
In resentment I lie, in corrupted ruin
It’s causes cynicism to blind my sight

Chains and shadows plague me down
This hunched over soreness in my back
Hollow, glowing eyes stare in the trees
It’s just me in a mirror, dressed in black

Show me how to end this horror tonight
Tell me that I’m going to be alright
Dear Lord, please break my fall
So I won’t be so afraid of it all

When they’ve all disappeared
Like spirits with reprieve
I’m stuck here all alone
And for that fact I grieve

This ale-washed floor
Stinks of decay
I wish I could set it aflame
Let the smoke take it away

Everything gets mixed up in a blender
I wrote you a letter that you replied, “return to sender”
I can watch you rot, but that wouldn’t happen
I’m the one that’s fading away into a dark end

Show me how to end this horror tonight
Tell me that I’m going to be alright
Dear Lord, please break my fall
So I won’t be so afraid of it all

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Posted: October 26, 2004 in Uncategorized







everytime i start to believe….something’s raped and taken from me…


i did my time!



ev

Posted: October 25, 2004 in Uncategorized

Lay down
your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
you have come to journey’s end
Sleep now
and dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
from across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
all of your fears will pass away,
safe in my arms
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises –
The ships have come to carry you home

All will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
into the world of night
through shadows falling
out of memory and time
Don’t say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
you and I will meet again.

And you’ll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

What can can you see
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
a pale moon rises –
The ships have come to carry you home.

And all will turn
to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west

Posted: October 24, 2004 in Uncategorized

well it’s nice to know that i’m pointless…..


you always pick the best times to drop the worst lines….you almost made me cry again this time…i could shut you out….and wait for a long time….i almost made it a game to play your game and let myself cry….i buried myself again on the inside….


why is that when i’m up, they like to kick me down on the ground and grind me into the dust?

Posted: October 23, 2004 in Uncategorized

don’t talk to me, because you have changed….but so have i….


i’m waking up from an idiot sleep…..

Posted: October 22, 2004 in Uncategorized

I sent the official apology this time, i actually got ahold of his email address and apologized. I thought I had done that 8 months ago, guess I was wrong. I tend to be wrong. It was another sleepless night, even though I felt like perhaps he HAD forgiven me. But I needed closure. Such a faulty statement, but still, I figure that my mind won’t let me sleep until that closure comes. Then I can let the darkness cover me, forget everything, slowly walk away to breathe again. Perhaps be a better girlfriend to Brandon. I can take care of him better if I’m not so bitter towards myself about what I did to Allen. He wonders why I fret over it, and sometimes I can’t tell you why. But those dreams where he’s staring me down, those seem to answer it all.


Forfeit everything, you were never strong enough

Posted: October 21, 2004 in Uncategorized

so yes….the nightmares are back…the same ones where i’m be interrogated by those stares…and i know he can’t bloody stare at me…but it’s so cold….straight down and deadly….striking sharply into my heart…like a dagger…twisting and turning….and tearing me apart….i know i did it….i put that dagger there….there’s no doubt about that….i just wish i didn’t….but how was i to bloody know? i lost respect for the one i left him for….and then i was excommunicated from his world….and now he stares at me in my nightmares and i don’t want to sleep….i think this even worse than when i had that dream about james and the whole ordeal with the linkin park cd blasting in my ears giving my brain ideas and i tossed and turned for a week….this is getting that bad….if not worse….and everything i read….i picture him….and every song i listen to…it’s him…..so fine! i’ll listen to some bloody korn…and if that portrays him….then i can get my life together and hate him during the song….


everytime i try to convince myself that i hate you….i only end up hating myself…and it’s driving me insane…my eyes might bleed one day


till she put that bottle her head and pulled the trigger, she finally drank away his memory….life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees….they found her face down in the pillow, clinging to his picture for dear life…and when they buried her next to him beneath the willow, the angels sang a whiskey lulluby

Posted: October 19, 2004 in Uncategorized

somebody shoot me….just get rid of the pain…..dear God! wash it away…..let it run down the drain and never return…it always returns….the dirt….the ever present dirt….it never leaves


tell them all to go away….and leave me

Posted: October 17, 2004 in Uncategorized

God money I’ll do anything for you
God money just tell me what you want me to
God money nail me up against the wall
God money don’t want everything he wants it all
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take that away from me
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take that away from me

Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control

Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve

God money’s not looking for the cure
God money’s not concerned about the sick among the pure
God money let’s go dancing on the backs of the bruised
God money’s not one to choose

No you can’t take it
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take that away from me
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take it
No you can’t take that away from me

Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control

Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve

Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve

Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control

Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I’d rather die than give you control

Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve

Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve

Posted: October 15, 2004 in Uncategorized

america is a cult….a fascist embargo of beauracracy….our own silly greed overcoming everything….